Why Every Mother Should Stop Talking About Catherine Middleton

The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge

In the past few days the press has been filled with the news that their Royal Highnesses, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, are expecting their first child. Every detail has been breathlessly reported, and everyone, it seems, has speculated on names. An Australian radio station even called the hospital, where Catherine has been staying because of acute morning sickness, convincing the poor nurse on duty that it was the Queen calling and tricking her into giving the kind of information that should only be told to the expectant parents.

Sound familiar? Every one of us who have gone through pregnancy have fallen under the same kind of scrutiny. Not, perhaps, to the degree that the future king and queen of England receive, of course. As prominent members of what most of us, even Americans, refer to as the Royal Family, they expect to live under a microscope. But do we really deserve a moment-to-moment description of Catherine's pregnancy?

Before any mother answers, "yes," think back to your own experience. Remember learning you were pregnant, who you told first, who you waited to tell, whether or not you had morning sickness. Also think about all the advice you got, the suggestions for names, and the detailed questions from people you thought you only knew casually. If you want to know what it's like to be a celebrity, get pregnant.

I remember my first pregnancy. My husband and I were thrilled, and wanted to tell people right away. As soon as people found out I was pregnant, I was inundated with advice. And baby names. And intimate questions. It is as if a woman, as soon as she is pregnant, stops being an individual and becomes a mere vessel, a curiosity for family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers to poke, prod, and examine. People I would never have expected tried to convince me that they knew the perfect name for our baby. Strangers would offer unsolicited advice, and sometimes even ask to touch my stomach. It was as if my personal space bubble had disappeared.

I shudder when I imagine what it is like for the Duke and Duchess. How many of us would have sent out a press release announcing our pregnancy? Or welcome long articles speculating about what boy names?

So, all you moms out there, let's give Kate a break. In spite of her title and position in the royal family, she's still a mother herself. Let's all remind people that, regardless of fancy titles, she's still a pregnant mother-to-be. Just remember what that was like.

So, all you fellow moms out there. Think back

Help! My Child Doesn't Want To Read!

As a parent, there are few things more discouraging than to have a reluctant reader for a child. We all learn to read at our own rate, and everyone "gets it" at a different age. From K-2, reading levels can range within the same grade from, well, K-2. Often reluctant readers are simply still in the "putting it together" stage, where "decoding" words and sounds is still work. (Like learning to drive -- how many of us were sure we would never know how to steer, check our mirrors, monitor our speed, watch the road, etc., all at once?)

But what happens when an emerging reader becomes a reluctant reader because they have become frustated by a teacher or learning system? You can have a child uninterested in reading, who sees it as a chore, or not worth the effort.

But here's the good news -- with the right kind of support, and the right book, reluctant readers can become interested readers.

The first thing is to keep doing what you are most likely already doing -- read daily with her. It is amazing what even 20 minutes a day of reading together can do to help build a confident reader. And any educator will tell you that the key in a student's learning is in a parent's interest and involvement in it.

There are many different ways of reading with an emerging reader, and they all work at different times. Don't be worried about following a specific way of doing it. Sit side by side, and both of you follow the test. Run your finger along the words, use a ruler or other marker to underline the sentence to make it easier to read, take turns reading by the word or by the sentence or by the page. Make it a game -- have him read all the words that begin with a certain letter, or assign her a word to read every time it appears in the text. Use your instinct! You will know very quickly what he responds to, and what is working.

Be relaxed, and try to avoid frustration. Your goal is to help your child enjoy reading, so make it fun. If she struggles to read a word, celebrate it when she gets it right, even when she sees the same word for the sixth time in the text. Congratulate her for working hard to use the skills she is learning to decode the words, and reinforce that you are thrilled every time she can do it on her own.

Model reading -- let your child see you read. Discuss what you have been reading. When you do this, you are showing him what comprehension is really all about -- understanding what you read and talking about it.  And it doesn't have to be just books -- news articles (age appropriate), non-fiction books, even cookbooks. Every time you talk about what you learned from something you read, it reinforces the "why" to reading.

Play reading games! I am currently recommending Erudition, a game that makes reading sight words fun. It can be tailored to different reading levels, can be played in several ways, and can be played by multiple reading levels simultaneously. And it is fun! The amazing teacher who recommended had her 4-year-old and 7-year-old playing it together, and they both had a great time.

Have an ereader or a tablet with an ereader app? Try reading on it instead of a traditional book. There are also some great books that have interactive apps, and there are some good free games that require the player to be able to read and answer questions to advance. I have used them with competitive, impatient readers, and seen them quickly master decoding and comprehension techniques they had struggled with. Make sure, though, that it is fun for you, too.

It is okay to read a book she liked when she was younger, or has read often. Favorite books are favorites for a reason -- they resonate with us. If your child wore out that Dora the Explorer book, suggest you read it together. Those are the books that will get him reading to you.

Finally, be creative in what you offer your child to read. Anything that sparks his interest should be your starting point. Within every reading level there are books that are sure to spark your child's interest. Star Wars? Barbie? The latest Disney princess? Ballet? Soccer? Great! Go find that book genre and say, "Let's read this."

Of course, finding a book to read that will capture the imagination can seem daunting. I turned to my own panel of experts, the amazing members of the Betsy-Tacy email list, for suggestions of books that spark the imagination in readers. They are librarians, teachers, authors, moms, and readers, who all make suggestions from their own experience.

If you try them all, and nothing works, let me know!! I will keep looking and suggesting as long as there are potential readers needing something to spark their imaginations.

Remember -- have fun! Sure, it's important for our children to master reading so they can suceed at their schoolwork, but reading a book for pleasure should also be valued as highly. When you read a book you enjoy with your child, they will feel that. Their "takeaway" will be that reading is a good thing, a desired thing.

Below is my list of some "try them" picture books. All of these can be found in libraries, and many of them may even be in your child's classroom. Have a great time!

Duck at the Door by Jackie Urbanovic
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and others in the series by Laura Numeroff
Nappy Hair by Carolivia Herron
Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats
Baby Come Out and others by Fran Manushkin
She Come Bringing Me That Little Baby Girl by Eloise Greenfield
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish by Dr. Suess
Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister
Oliver and Amanda Pig series by Jean Van Leeuwen
Yoko Learns To Read by Rosemary Wells
Frog and Toad series by Arnold Lobel
Little Bear series by Else Holmelund Minarik (illustrated by Maurice Sendak)
Amelia Bedelia series by Peggy Parish
How Rocket Learned To Read by Tad Hills
The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore by William Joyce

I Dare Congress to Listen to Women's Stories

I was raised to believe that it was impolite to talk about your health issues with people other than our doctor and those among your family and friends who absolutely needed to know.  Doctor-patient privilege has long been the accepted norm, and Congress in recent years has taken steps to protect our medical records from prying eyes. And yet, there are men right who think it's perfectly acceptable to insist that a woman talk to her employer about what reproductive medication she is taking, but explain why, and justify it.

Apart from the obvious silliness -- you hardly see them demanding that men announce that they need a penile dysfunction medication and explain why -- it got me thinking. Do those employers REALLY want to have those conversations?

I expect not. Here's an example of how I would have had to explain and justify my use of birth control pills for non-reproductive reasons when I was a young woman. Try to guess how long an employer (especially a man) is going to want to sit and listen to this:

From the time I started my periods, they were extremely heavy and lasted 8-10 days. At the peak of the flow, I would change menstrual pads hourly, and clothes almost as often because of leaking. I had severe cramping, to the point that I would stay home from school or work, taking double and triple doses of aspirin, and later ibuprofin, to help curb the pain.

When I was 18, I had a hymenectomy to help the flow stop backing up and to prevent injury when down the road I married and became sexually active. Although it helped some, I continued to experience enough cramping that I would frequently miss work for a day. Having ruled out other reasons for the pain (and given my age), my doctor put me on a very low hormone dose, hopefully to help retrain my body. The difference was amazing. While I took those hormones, I was able to go about my life normally every day.

If it had been necessary to talk to my employer to have it paid for, I would have had to explain my medical history, have my employer sit in judgement as to whether or not my doctor was prescribing the right treatment, AND I would have had to try to convince them that as a 23-year-old single woman I was not sexually active. (I wasn't.) Given that many of the people I worked with (including my boss at the time) were sexually active, it would have been a hard sell.

My bet is this: the average employer will last about as far as the word "pad", gross out and cut right to the question: "Are you having sex?"

Because that's what this so-called debate is really about. Do we really want our employer to know our private life? What employer wants that burden? There are plenty of laws on the books, as well as constitutional amendments, that support the idea that an individual can live his or her life as they see fit. One of the drawbacks to living in a free society is that other people can live their lives in a way we don't like, and we can't stop them.

I dare the men who think this is a great idea to sit and listen to the story from each of their female employees about how "The Pill" has made their lives easier. (And we might remind them, too, that unless they were celibate until marriage, it made their lives easier, too.) And then we will see how keen they will be to pass that law into existence. They won't do it, of course -- they wouldn't even let Sandra Fluke speak.

Assault on Women

Really, just about every woman will probably put her two cents in on this. And I hardly know where to start. But we all have to ask the question: Why are we allowing a fringe minority of mysoginists to dominate the dialogue and policy of our country? Since when do we allow one religious group's point of view to dictate to all?

I am sick and tired of people being more concerned with unborn fetuses than the people around them. I am sick and tired of men thinking they know better than women about what is good for their bodies. I am sick and tired of seeing men get free erection medicine and being told that women must pay for their medications and care because it's too expensive. I am sick of women earning less than men in the same job. I am sick of men being praised for being assertive, while women are criticized for being 'too' aggressive. I am sick and tired of women being expected to be housekeepers, breadwinners, childcare experts, and conform to the current standard of beauty, while men are held only to the expectation of holding down a job. I am sick of hearing girls talk about how they don't want to seem to smart because they won't get a boyfriend. I am sick of men feeling threatened by a woman making more money than him.

I am sick of women who expect men to take care of them. I am especially sick of women who spout all the above while collecting hefty paychecks for being in jobs that, if it were not for the women who came before them, would not be available.

It is just time. Time for women to stand up and say, enough. To look at their women friends who claim that birth control shouldn't be covered, that abortions shouldn't be allowed, that a woman needs a spouse/boyfriend/partner to be valid, and tell them to grow up and join the 21st century. To tell the men who want to control their reproductive systems and their access to affordable health care that we will not accept that.

It is time to stage our own Million Mom March.