I Dare Congress to Listen to Women's Stories

I was raised to believe that it was impolite to talk about your health issues with people other than our doctor and those among your family and friends who absolutely needed to know.  Doctor-patient privilege has long been the accepted norm, and Congress in recent years has taken steps to protect our medical records from prying eyes. And yet, there are men right who think it's perfectly acceptable to insist that a woman talk to her employer about what reproductive medication she is taking, but explain why, and justify it.

Apart from the obvious silliness -- you hardly see them demanding that men announce that they need a penile dysfunction medication and explain why -- it got me thinking. Do those employers REALLY want to have those conversations?

I expect not. Here's an example of how I would have had to explain and justify my use of birth control pills for non-reproductive reasons when I was a young woman. Try to guess how long an employer (especially a man) is going to want to sit and listen to this:

From the time I started my periods, they were extremely heavy and lasted 8-10 days. At the peak of the flow, I would change menstrual pads hourly, and clothes almost as often because of leaking. I had severe cramping, to the point that I would stay home from school or work, taking double and triple doses of aspirin, and later ibuprofin, to help curb the pain.

When I was 18, I had a hymenectomy to help the flow stop backing up and to prevent injury when down the road I married and became sexually active. Although it helped some, I continued to experience enough cramping that I would frequently miss work for a day. Having ruled out other reasons for the pain (and given my age), my doctor put me on a very low hormone dose, hopefully to help retrain my body. The difference was amazing. While I took those hormones, I was able to go about my life normally every day.

If it had been necessary to talk to my employer to have it paid for, I would have had to explain my medical history, have my employer sit in judgement as to whether or not my doctor was prescribing the right treatment, AND I would have had to try to convince them that as a 23-year-old single woman I was not sexually active. (I wasn't.) Given that many of the people I worked with (including my boss at the time) were sexually active, it would have been a hard sell.

My bet is this: the average employer will last about as far as the word "pad", gross out and cut right to the question: "Are you having sex?"

Because that's what this so-called debate is really about. Do we really want our employer to know our private life? What employer wants that burden? There are plenty of laws on the books, as well as constitutional amendments, that support the idea that an individual can live his or her life as they see fit. One of the drawbacks to living in a free society is that other people can live their lives in a way we don't like, and we can't stop them.

I dare the men who think this is a great idea to sit and listen to the story from each of their female employees about how "The Pill" has made their lives easier. (And we might remind them, too, that unless they were celibate until marriage, it made their lives easier, too.) And then we will see how keen they will be to pass that law into existence. They won't do it, of course -- they wouldn't even let Sandra Fluke speak.

Assault on Women

Really, just about every woman will probably put her two cents in on this. And I hardly know where to start. But we all have to ask the question: Why are we allowing a fringe minority of mysoginists to dominate the dialogue and policy of our country? Since when do we allow one religious group's point of view to dictate to all?

I am sick and tired of people being more concerned with unborn fetuses than the people around them. I am sick and tired of men thinking they know better than women about what is good for their bodies. I am sick and tired of seeing men get free erection medicine and being told that women must pay for their medications and care because it's too expensive. I am sick of women earning less than men in the same job. I am sick of men being praised for being assertive, while women are criticized for being 'too' aggressive. I am sick and tired of women being expected to be housekeepers, breadwinners, childcare experts, and conform to the current standard of beauty, while men are held only to the expectation of holding down a job. I am sick of hearing girls talk about how they don't want to seem to smart because they won't get a boyfriend. I am sick of men feeling threatened by a woman making more money than him.

I am sick of women who expect men to take care of them. I am especially sick of women who spout all the above while collecting hefty paychecks for being in jobs that, if it were not for the women who came before them, would not be available.

It is just time. Time for women to stand up and say, enough. To look at their women friends who claim that birth control shouldn't be covered, that abortions shouldn't be allowed, that a woman needs a spouse/boyfriend/partner to be valid, and tell them to grow up and join the 21st century. To tell the men who want to control their reproductive systems and their access to affordable health care that we will not accept that.

It is time to stage our own Million Mom March.

Happy Holidays?

As a fan of both the Betsy Tacy books by Maud Hart Lovelace and the Mother Daughter Book Club series, I am beside myself with excitement that Heather Vogel Frederick's latest installment, Home for the Holidays (out now, in bookstores everywhere!) is about Betsy Tacy!

So I just had to giggle when I saw the cover of the latest Lands' End catalog when I pulled it out of my mailbox. It looks like they totally ripped off the jacket cover of Home for the Holidays!

Happy Holidays, everyone.

Rocking Out the Crusaders

Friday night was Eaststide Catholic's opening football game; they opened at home.  Before the game, there was a little festival with games and free food.


Pre-game rocking

My older daughter is taking Rock Band this semester, having done her time with Health during summer school. Drama II was full, so Rock Band it was.

The only girl, and the only non-instrumentalist, she has become the lead singer. On Friday night they were given the opportunity to play at half time of the football game. She needed to be there at 5:00pm to set up. Wanting to hear her, I went with her and waited around, acting a bit as her handler while she acted as junior roadie for "the guys," making her eat and keeping her well-supplied with water as they set up in front of the Athletic Pavilion.

Although they weren't supposed to play until half time, they sneaked in a song as a warmup about half an hour before the game. I was pleased to hear how good they were -- you never quite knows how good a group of high school students is going to be when they form a band, even one for credit.

Eastside Catholic football

After the introductions (eight assistant coaches??), the coin toss, the opening prayer and the National Anthem, the game started at 7:00pm. It was a beautiful day, and we were treated to a gorgeous sunset behind the trees as the first half dragged on and on, as EC kept scoring and stopping the clock. Finally at 8:30pm with the score at something like 56 - 20, the clock wound down to 0 and it was half time.

The Pep Band played "Born This Way" and was shortly followed by the plucky drill team (which, so cool, includes a member of the Options program, designed for special needs students) performed. Then it was time for the Rock Band.

As soon as they started, people stopped to listen, kids ran over and started dancing and whooping, and parents and alumni smiled benevolently as they walked past. Although they were told to play only one song, daughter decided if they went right into the 2nd song they could do a shortened version of it, and convinced the others to do it. And to their credit, they almost made it through that second song.

After they finished, she rushed over to me with a big hug, then was surrounded by squealing friends, excited about her performance. It was almost 9:00 by the time we left -- she was tired, but in a good way. There's nothing like singing in a band.

Here's a little sample of what had everyone excited, taken with an iPhone: